Christmas is a big scam and we love it! It’s like smoking a cigarette: it’s not good for you (or your wallet), but you are totally addicted and the thought of it is actually perfect (in reality, of course, it’s not).The more gifts you get, or the more expensive gifts you receive, the happier you feel – people love you! Only a few of us don't even care about presents.
There’s also the “giving rush”; when you are shopping for everyone, feeling all excited about offering your friends and family presents you bought. For sure, they will think you are a giving person and you will revel in their joy.
In Korea, Christmas is growing. And I mean: it is GROWING! Not so long ago, this was just a religious holiday – as opposed to a commercial rip-off that lasts for 2 weeks in Occident.
But now, even on Jeju Island, there are Christmas trees, and palm trees are decorated as well. Department stores sell ornaments and stockings, while Santa is never too far away. Even Korean versions of our traditional Christmas Carols put you in the mood as you browse for more stuff to buy.
Nonetheless, most people only get a day off (25th) and the 26th is brutal. A lot of Koreans actually take a vacation around that time and try to escape the holiday madness – trading it for some quiet family time somewhere on a beach.
“Merry Christmas” is the same in Korean, and all the kids scream it as they expect their foreign teacher to give them more candy, and maybe a game day? They go “iiiiiiiiiouhhhhhh!!” as I tell them that people back home kiss under the mistletoe, and they make fun of the elves. They think Santa is FAT!
Santa’s beard is passed around, and I refuse to wear it after they have all drooled on it. We write a letter to Santa and they all ask for sweets and “give me big money”! As I look at them, so tiny, with their little feet not even touching the ground as they are sitting and trying to make a paper snowflake, my heart is just warm and I’m happy.
That night my friends and I go for Indian food (one of the only two ethnic restaurants on the island), and end up at the Blue Agave for a wild night during which alcohol both makes us happy, and amnesiac – we don’t want to think about what we’re missing back home, we just want to have fun.
It all ends with McDonald’s at 4am – sombrero, Corona and a ring? Christmas a la Mexican at the American embassy in Korea? Does it get any better than this? Where are my turkey, meat pie and stuffing? Where are the cranberries, mashed potatoes, red wine and dessert?
The next day is brutal – that is, nursing a hangover and wondering what the hell you’re doing on the other side of the planet?
The family calls and everyone’s happy; my sister is pregnant with twins, and my brother’s girlfriend is also with child. It’s a shock – feelings of joy and dire take over as you realized that you’re still just a kid and they’re all grown-up!
I won’t even be there to see their belly get bigger, bear the mood swings and bring them ice at the hospital. Last year I missed my grandma’s last days on earth. I also missed my sister’s wedding in Cuba.
How much more am I willing to miss on? If I went home in a few years, we probably wouldn’t even recognize each other!
I’m howling as we hang up – right after Dave tells me they’ve poured me a glass of wine, and mom says my picture is on the Christmas tree. Maybe the thought of home is better than actually being there, but I just want to be with them.
Christmas breakfast at my place – scrambled eggs, fried potatoes and fruit juice. My friend gives me a portable speaker for my computer. I cancel on the potluck i'm supposed to attend and try to get some rest. I need to think about all this.
My upstairs neighbors are strolling across the room. Bang. Bang. Bang. Are they fat? I have to wake up the next day at 7am and teach. Christmas sucks.
