Chillin' in Jeju, Korea: Good morning heartache

A few years ago, I learned about Hobbes and instantly related to his quote that life in the state of nature is “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short". My teacher translated this as man being a wolf for man.

My understanding was that human nature is basically bad and that we must fight natural urges in order to co-exist peacefully in society. We also need things to numb our mind – with things such as ridiculous TV shows, drugs or beer. I had heated existentialist debates over the subject and still thought I was right. Everyone is capable of hurting someone else - be it physical or emotional.

Looking at the world, this idea seemed to make a lot of sense – with corruption, war, ethnic cleansing, poverty, and child soldiers. Who in their right mind would witness this all and let it happen?

I was young and radical. To me, everything was either black or white. My Godfather told me nothing is either black or white; there’s a gray segment one must learn to find and accept. There’s good and bad in this world, and both co-exist in each one of us.

I know I’ve done bad things in the past. I’ve hurt people’s feelings while trying to spare mine, and I’ve said and done things that I regret. As it turns out, I hurt someone’s feelings last weekend, someone I really cared about. As the song goes, “blame it on my youth”…

It’s just daunting to keep seeing that not only am I capable of hurting others, but that I actually do it. It means there’s a dark side to me and no matter how hard I try, I obviously can’t control it all the time.

Why can’t I be one of these people who are always doing the right thing, always being nice and authentic, and never having a bad thought or even a mood swing?

This world is so beautiful. On Sunday we went to the beach, yongyeon lake and checked out a university. Then I hung out in the countryside by myself and had tea at a temple. It felt so great, away from the city… the serenity of knowing that I couldn’t do harm there.