Australia

I am always happy to fly back to Korea – though I am an alien in this country, it is a familiar environment that almost feels like “home”…that is, when home is out of question until my contract ends.

Over the past two years I have grown fond of this exceptional Korean culture and aside from a few (like in any country) annoyances, I always look forward to coming back to the land of the morning calm.

But not this time.

That week spent in Australia (Oz!) was probably one of the best in my life!

Not too far from Korea, it’s a 2-hour flight to Tokyo and then about 7 hours to Cairns (North East of Australia). I flew with Qantas Airways and I must say it was incredibly nice to see White people with breasts, a solid tush, hips and meat on the bones as opposed to tiny (often skinny) Korean flight attendants! Hearing English was just sweet music to my ears.

Australian customs was a slap in the face at 6am –dogs sniffing my bags as well as an officer searching me and threatening to fine me for bringing wood into the country. As it turns out, those old wood bracelets of mine are made of wood (ya don't say!)… Luckily the chick let me go with a warning and a brochure (in Italian!)

The 20-minute cab ride to the unit cost an exorbitant 42$ because Cairns is apparently some sort of tourist trap. Indeed, the sun was shining and we were staying about 2 minutes away from Trinity beach.

I forgot to take a picture of our unit, but that’s the place next door… pretty sweet eh!

I should mention here that many beaches have huge nets protecting the swimming areas from sharks a jellyfish. It’s quite impressive. Apparently there are countless stories of tourists being injured while swimming away from those nets.

The Australian scenery is breath taking, and the fauna and flora are just delightful. I liked seeing how road sign differ from any country I’ve been to – especially the Kangaroo in a yellow diamond telling drivers to be careful coz they might cross the highway anytime. Back home they’re deer. Oh and the legs at crosswalks haha In Canada we have a full person but in Oz it’s just floating pants and shoes!

To my delight, we basically ate cheese, crackers and drank wine the whole time! Though I did taste Australian classics such as fish burger (mmmm… two buns stuffed with fish, bacon, eggs, salad and sauce), fish and chips (deep fried fish with fries), and beer battered chips ("fries" are called "chips" over there).

If you get a chance to taste a Cooper, DO IT! It’s probably the best beer I’ve ever had! And if you get a chance to check out Chopper Reid on the web, DO IT!! Margeaux showed me a few episodes and it is a hilarious parody of an actual Australian criminal!

I stuffed myself with muesli (oh so expensive in Korea!), fruit, fruit and more fruit, and of course chicken kebab. I did try Vegemite (Kraft’s yeast jam from the 1920s that apparently fed the soldiers during the war) but it was too strong and salty for my taste. Margeaux would moan of pleasure every time she had it, which was basically every day.

We had a swimming pool downstairs so the first few days were spent sunbathing (or sunbaKing as they say) but we did a whole lot of stuff afterwards – a crocodile farm (where Doug actually used to work!), Port Douglas, the Esplanade in Cairns, the waterfall in Kuranda, shopping at the night markets, and a sweet-ass cruise to the great barrier reef.

Hatley’s Crocodile Farm is a great day excursion that can scare the shit out of ya, especially if you witness a crocodile fight – which we did. It was nothing like at the movies or what you see in books!

Crocs basically look like logs in a filthy river and the sounds they make are just surreal. Sometimes all you could see was their eyes and nose, the rest of their body was hidden under water. They are very patient creatures, as I realized when this croc had his jaw wide open for over 20 minutes, (i assume) waiting for a prey to come along.

Margeaux filmed a random fight we saw in a pond:



The zoo was filled with other animals including a funny-looking bird called Cassowary, lizards, birds and even a spider. We checked out the snake and crocodile shows – which were pretty wicked.

Here’s a video of the croc show taking place every day at 3pm – impressive (scary!) jaw sounds and you wouldn’t believe how close the guy gets to the croc!



I ended up having a tasty crocodile skew for only 5 bucks. Dipped in mango sauce, it tastes like chicken, only chewier.

We petted a few crocodiles and their back skin is indeed as rough as it seems, but their "belly" feels kinda soft. I also gave a snake a massage… again, you would be surprised how spongy those feel. I had forgotten how their shed their skin too, eeeeew!

As for Koalas, I thought they were pretty ugly until I saw this couple with a baby... aaaaaw! And the positions they sleep in is also something to see!

We rented a car so Margeaux (wildly! :D) took us through the windy roads along which were breath-taking sceneries or mountains, forests and of course the ocean. She tried showing me a gorge but it just really looked like any random lake back in Quebec… she was all in awe ;)

I personally liked the never-ending sugarcane fields... they are impressively tall but surprisingly untasty...




The Kuranda waterfalls on the other hand look very….dry! Australia’s been suffering from a drought for a while now, but you can tell those falls must be breathtaking after the rain. It was a nice walk through the forest too. I don’t think I had ever seen the rainforest… it smells so good, it’s gorgeous and grandiose!

We really had a lot of fun the whole week and I was excited to learn Aussie expressions! I got this slang dictionary and it’s priceless! Here are a few:

- Fried eggs = flat breasts
- Fair dinkum = true, genuine

- To be stoked = very pleased

- To stand out like dog's balls = obvious

- To drink with the flies = to drink alone

- Give it a burl = give it a try

- Spewin' = very angry

- Liquid laugh = vomit

- Mozzie = mosquito

- Piece of piss = easy task

- Reckon! = You bet!

- Ute = Utility vehicle

- To rubbish = to criticize

- To yabber = talk a lot

- He's got the wobbly boot on = he's drunk

...

I did find that Australians are not as… authentic and genuine as Quebecers, but they sure are nice and funny! I especially love watching "bogans" (equivalent to the American white trash) go about their business… there’s an Aussie show I completely love it’s called “Kath and Kim” , some Australian version of French Canadian parody “Le Coeur a ses raisons”…it’s just so funny and the word plays are hilarious!

Weird birds woke us up every morning with their sharp howling, except that day we took the cruise. Damn, we were up at 6:30am! But it was totally worth it!

If you ever want to check out one of the world’s greatest coral reef barrier, ‘Passions of Paradise’ is a pretty sweet cruise – the staff is very friendly, competent, the boat is cool, the buffet is delicious (Prawns! Prawns! Prawns!), and there’s a whole bunch of activities to do.

It takes about two hours to get to the reef, where we stopped to check out this gorgeous island and snorkel. They provide all the equipment. We even tried scuba diving for free, and Margeaux was so hooked she went for the whole dive! I on the other hand completely freaked out under water and didn’t get the certificate ;)



The clouds came in the afternoon and it was awesome to float on giant waves, witnessing really cool fish and coral. It was freezing when we got out of water though, and the boat was rocking like you wouldn’t believe! There was a whole bunch of people at the back of the boat holding on tight to their paper bag… others danced their way across the boat, anyway it was fun. I napped : )

And then I woke up Monday morning and it was all over.