Did you know that William Shakespeare used over 884 647 words altogether (works included), whereas an average contemporary person knows between 12 000 – 20 000 words? I wonder what happened to our brain.
Yet when a Korean sees a foreigner, the only English word that they seem to know is “Hello” It’s not their fault; it’s their brain. It’s their mom who told them to say “Hello” every time they see a weiguk (foreigner). It's a reflex.
But here’s the problem: I’m all out of “hello”s. It’s nothing personal really. The word just won’t come out anymore. I’m physically traumatized. I can’t say it anymore. My brain won’t let me.
I’d be glad to say “good morning”, “yes it is a beautiful day” or just smile. But even my beautiful smile is not enough. They need to hear me say "Hello"
I'm a tall girl with blond curly hair so of course I’m an easy target. And here are a few (real life) scenarios that might be why I’m all out of “hellos”:
- Having a chat with my co-worker outside, some girls yelled “Hellooooo” to us. I smiled at them and kept talking with Bill. Unsatisfied, the girls yelled even louder “Helllllllooooo”. I thought they were rude so I ignored them (after all, I did smile at them even thought they interrupted us). That’s when they screamed their lungs out “HELLOOOOO”
- Driving my scooter near City Hall, my curly hair was coming out of my helmet and some kids walking the opposite way noticed. They shouted “Hello, hello, hello” 3 times, as if what…? They expected me to stop the scooter and go talk to them? Maybe wave and get into a traffic accident?
- Going to the supermarket, I keep my helmet on to ensure some privacy. Stupid idea, I know. Some little girl spotted me from afar and ran to the dairy section where I was just to say “Hello!!” Of course people turned around as soon as they heard the magic word and I saw parents telling their kids “go say hello to the weiguk”. Within a second, I was bombarded with “Helloooooo” Meanwhile, the parents were looking at my basket, trying to figure out what people like me eat, and they rushed to the cheese section to get the same.
- On a raining day, at night, I’m walking with my hood on. I’m even wearing glasses and they’re so thick (I’m practically blind) that you can’t see my eyes. I’m looking down anyway. My hair is tied up, hidden under my hood, no visible sign that I’m a foreigner. Well guess what. A bunch of youngsters turn to me as soon as they hear me come and say “Hello!!”
It’s night. It’s dark. How do they do it!? - I’m in the countryside, speaking on the phone with my friend when this little boy comes up to me. He sees that I’m clearly having a conversation, but he doesn’t care. He stands in front of me and says “Hello, how are you, I’m good, my name is hae jeong, nice to meet you, bye” – as if all those words were in fact one very long word. Without even waiting for an answer he leaves.
- That’s a daily one: I’m in my office, the window is next to my computer and I’m doing class prep. I swear: every single one of my students will come by, look inside, open the window and shout “helloooo”.
- Sitting on the bus, completely lost in my thoughts and listening to my music, a group of teenagers get in and of course spot me right away! What do they say? “Helloooooooo” loud enough to interrupt my quiet reverie.
- Aaaah my favorite: eating at the school cafeteria. Bill and I are like aliens. Koreans of all age look at our tray, wondering if we eat like them. If there’s a lot of kimchi, they laugh. If there’s not enough rice, they laugh. Everything we do is laughable. Then the bell rings and the students rush in. 50 girls yelling “Helloooooo”
- Walking by the Middle School, there’s a gym class going on outside. Korean teachers are very strict and the kids must behave in class. Except when weiguks walk by. Jump ropes are put down and countless “Helloooo”s are being yelled. Sometimes the teacher will point his golf club and tell them to shut it, but most of the time he doesn’t.
- Having a nice dinner out with friends, i barely have time to swallow my rice when a kid comes up to me and stares. then, he either leaves without a word, or says "Hellooo" before turning around.
And the list goes on. I probably say “Hello” and “Hi” at least 100 times a day. I just physically can’t do it anymore. But if I ignore them, they chase me. Or they scream, which is even worse. If I reply, they laugh, covering their mouth while giggling.
In theory, they are cute. They are really cute. Man, how many times have I said that people back home can be really anti-social?
But the thing is, I don’t think Koreans do it to be social. It’s like a dare game. And it’s freakin’ annoying.
What annoys me the most is that it seems like “Hello” is the only English word they know. We spend so much energy teaching them how to converse in English, and all they can say is “Helloooo”, and run away?
I think I like it better when ajummas satisfy their cultural curiosity by slapping my butt. It's totally inappropriate, but at least it's funny.
When I go back to Quebec next summer, I will try the following:
- I’ll slap a Japanese woman’s ass
- I’ll blatantly stare at a Korean child
- I’ll scream “Ni hao” to every Chinese person I see until they reply. Then, I’ll burst into laughter.
This is going to be fun.
